4 words: hood of his car
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
