You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
