u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
