why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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