i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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