I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize