so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
