i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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