I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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