can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
