Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
