i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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