i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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