Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize