Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize