Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
