I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
