Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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