do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
