I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I could make wine with my vomit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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