I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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