I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
