she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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