You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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