i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
