Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
