You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
