listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
