I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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