Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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