So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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