guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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