His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize