My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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