I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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