We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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