that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
