I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my being single is dangerous.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize