i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
