next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
