You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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