I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
