I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
