Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
