Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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