I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize