I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
