You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So much rum. So many feels.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
