this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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