Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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