I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Semen is not good for contacts.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want a musical about memes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
