Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
