Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
