At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
