3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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