All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
