so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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