Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
