I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
