how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
