You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
