More tranny stories later!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize