Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
