Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
