he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
