you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
