I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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