Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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