Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
